Musings From An Insomniac

My biorhythm is off, as usual. I am getting increasingly uncomfortable and it's difficult to sleep. I think the extra bulk and weight is hard, plus, the baby is becoming stronger and more active. She kicks me awake! I take this as a positive.

I'm back in Edina now and will start Heparin injections later today. This will be interesting. I've never willingly stuck myself with needles, much less injected a drug into my body. (I have used a lancet to stick my finger in 7th grade science class to figure out my blood type, but that is about it.)

One thing I noticed lately is that strangers feel like it's okay to talk to me and ask about my pregnancy. As a former New Yorker, I find it completely strange to have anyone I do not know just walk up and talk to me.

First, I am asked when the baby is due. Then, the gender of the little one. And finally, if I am so excited, or if the nursery is ready, or if I plan to breastfeed or not, or am I going to opt for an epidural or have a natural childbirth, or if my parents or parents-in-law are excited about the baby, blah blah blah. In general, I try to be polite and try to cut off the conversation. Other times, I pretend I'm preoccupied with a book or my iPhone, but what I really want to tell these people is to mind their own business.

I know these strangers mean well. I suppose they see a pregnant woman and they reminisce of the time their own children were born. Believe me, I get questioned by both men and women on this one. Especially new dads. Argh. I am aware that having children is a common experience for many people, and it transcends socioeconomic backgrounds, race, etc. But seriously, back off! I don't have to explain myself to anyone, and my history is so sad and painful, it's not something I want to discuss with strangers.

Perhaps if my first pregnancy went along swimmingly, I would be more than happy to answer all of those questions. Perhaps I'd even shout them from the rooftops. So here's what I am learning from this experience: if ever I see a pregnant woman that I do not know personally, I will refrain from getting all in her business. I have no idea what she went through to get to that point. For all I know the pregnancy is unwanted. Or she is a gestational carrier. I will just smile and keep my mouth shut. And perhaps open a door for her.

Here are my answers:
When are you due?
I don't know when our baby is due. She is supposedly due on 29 September, but given my current health condition, she could arrive anytime before then.

Are you having a boy or a girl?
As far as we can tell, we are having a girl.

Are you so excited?
Um, no, actually, I am very concerned. I wake up every morning and just hope she'll kick me to tell me she's alive. I get nervous every time I feel any sort of pain. I am a wreck when it's time to go to the restroom, for fear I'll see blood or worse. Every time I get more than one Braxton Hicks contraction in an hour, I wonder if I'm going into preterm labor.

Is your nursery ready?
No. We don't even have a crib. We don't want to get too excited about a room in our house when there is no one living there yet. There will be plenty of time to decorate later.

Do you plan to breastfeed?
I really don't know. Let's wait and see if we have a baby. Then figure out if she's hungry and can feed on her own. Let's not put the cart before the horse.

Are you planning to have a natural childbirth or have an epidural?
Again, I have no idea. If she comes early, we may not have any choice in the matter. Also, if we have our heart set on a plan, and things don't go the way we want, it adds stress. We don't need that. So, we have to get educated on the most realistic scenarios and just roll with it when the time comes.

Are your parents and your husband's parents thrilled about their first grandchild's arrival?
I think they are more concerned than anything else. This is our fourth pregnancy (first three were miscarriages), so they have shared a lot in our disappointments. No one is too excited right now, as we are all aware of the risks and health concerns. As much as our daughter's pending arrival will be a joyous occasion, I think we will all breathe a sigh of relief when she gets a clean bill of health from our doctors. Afterward, I can play rock paper scissors to figure out who changes her diaper.